Best Things A-Z part TWO

I did this in January-February of '08. I liked it. Here it is again, with different choices and a lousy attempt to make every entry alliterative.

A is for Anne-Louise.

Anne-Louise is the name of my white '99 Honda Passport. She's about to fall apart a bit, but I adore her. Admittedly, she's got a little vehicle arthritis, only allowing me to open from the passenger side. Although, that doesn't anger me. And the A/C doesn't work, but I can access air through the sunroof. And she ain't too atrocious at arriving at the destination I ask for. So A is for Anne-Louise.

B is for Bad, "Beat It," and "Billie Jean."

Ok, the letter B basically belongs to Michael Jackson. I can't decide if I want to bestow it upon Bad for "best Michael Jackson album" because it features "Bad," "Man in the Mirror," and "Smooth Criminal," or if I want to bring it to a tie between "Beat It" and "Billie Jean" for best Michael Jackson songs. No lie, Bad is the best MJ album, and the best MJ songs are "Smooth Criminal," "Beat It," and "Billie Jean." Believe it or not, I'm drawing a blank. Why bother? B is for Bad, "Beat It," and "Billie Jean."

C is for The Catcher in the Rye.

The Catcher in the Rye is the best book I've ever read for school. No competition. It caused me to completely change my perception of the cosmos. Can't begin to describe how carefully I chewed on that novel. Caufield can convey his thoughts like no character I've read before. And Salinger's crazy cool, too. So C is for The Catcher in the Rye.

Movie Pitch

In the conversation, I'm Matt, my friend Matt McCue is Matthew.

---

0:55Matt

so there's this house i hang out at sometimes. it's my friend danny's grandpa's house, and his grandpa doesn't live there anymore, so sometimes we hang here in the awesome room above the detached garage

and the actual house is this really creepy place, and the whole thing's a great setup for a horror movie because

00:55Matthew

skeleton key

00:56Matt

we usually just hang out in the awesome room, but every so often, the actual house beckons us in with its refrigerator and its air conditioning and dvd player and such

but always, always accompanied.

but one day, this one boy (me) is like to himself "i have the balls to go in there alone, i just want a glass of water, y'know?"

00:57Matthew

yeah

00:57Matt

and he goes in and realizes he can't find the light switch. so he opens the refrigerator to use the light and find the light switch.

but it's hard to find, so he like opens the fridge and goes to look for the lightswitch but only has enough time to look quickly then run back to the fridge before it closes

so he finally gets the lightswitch and he goes into the kitchen and pours a glas of water

he looks in the freezer while he's in there and when he closes the freezer the ghost is there, but he doesn't see it, but the audience gasps

and as he's leaving, he opens the refridgerator to find the door and a cut up, bloody body is there

00:59Matthew

and then he gets the water?

wow

good story

hahaha

01:00Matt

he screams, and then the body puts it self back together and molests shim/immerses him in darkness/eats him/whatever

01:00Matthew

your played by zac efron in this movie

01:01Matt

and the rest of the movie is the five other guys trying to figure out what happened to zac efron and slowly dying one by one

FWD:

I have not updated in a while. Mobile update time! Oliver was kickass. All for now.

May Update

I'm a big fan of how the last few weeks have gone. It's been nice hanging out with Michael, Danny, Martin, Aris, and all these other people I've only just met. Everything's easy with them. I'm just one of the guys, and I don't feel like they define me by my homosexuality anymore. They don't bitch and whine, they don't get mad at me for stupid shit, they don't get offended if I don't want to hang out. It's nice.

Get ready for this... I'm fucking tired of theatre. I'm supremely glad I didn't get in to any of the schools I auditioned for, because I would have signed an intent to enroll already and I'd end up going. Even though I'm tired of it. Psychology is a good major for me. I want to minor in anthropology and study how those fields apply to human origins. That's kind of specific for someone who hasn't even touched his freshman year, I know, but I'm allowing myself room to change my mind.

I want an iPhone.

I love Theresa Andersson, and I love my SuSu, and my SuSu got me an autographed copy of Theresa Andersson's "Hummingbird, Go!" for a graduation present.

I'm going to start a novel this summer. I'm not giving myself a deadline this time. Maybe that will help me finish it. Even if it's at age 57 that I finish it, it'll still get finished.

Oh yeah, and I graduated. I didn't get a pocket diploma. That's what I was most excited about.

Where's Fluffy?

That's Nick on the left. Nick is like me. He's nerdy and he's got a good sense of individuality. He also makes mix CDs for Tris. Mix CDs that she throws away. She doesn't throw them in canals, but she throws them away. There's this other girl Norah, though, who likes the CDs and can't comprehend how Tris could pass up such an obviously awesome guy like me—I mean... Nick.

Tris is like this super bitch who (whether she knows it or not) toys mercilessly with Nick's emotions. Nick totally wants her, and she wants him, too, to some degree. Maybe it's just that he's the person she's come to feel comfortable with or maybe she just thinks he's good looking. The bottom line is that Tris doesn't really give a rat's ass about him on any deeper level.

Anyway, Nick meets Norah, Norah pretends Nick is her boyfriend to look cool in front of Tris, and Tris gets jealous. Tris eventually realizes that she passed up a really great guy, but it's a little too late for her; Nick has already realized that Norah's a whole lot more kickass than Tris could ever be.

When I saw this movie I had already been hurt a few times by my Tris. It was this movie that made me go, "Hey. I should really fucking find Norah." So I started to keep my eyes open for my Norah. Well, I found Norah, dated Norah, and broke up with Norah before I ever realized it was Norah. Fuck! I still had hopes that things would work out with Tris, and then Tris just hurt me yet again.

Okay, I'm tired of using movie names.

I hate that he lives in Slidell. Like a whole fucking bunch. And the time that it takes to drive there isn't what bothers me; it's that I can't pay for my own gas, and Mama (understandably) doesn't want to finance frequent trips to the north shore. I'm hoping the summer presents us with opportunities to hang out. I think he's possibly doing the St. Luke's show, and while I won't be, that conveniently puts him on my side of the lake pretty often. But then again, maybe it'd be best if we didn't spend time together at all this summer. He's moving to California come August. Ugh.

I've decided that I'm Romeo. That's not a good thing like people have come to think it is. Romeo has come to mean "suave romancer." Well, if you've actually read or seen the play, you know that he's nothing of the sort. He's a stupid, love-hungry, naive teenager who rapidly falls in and out of love. (See Falling Easy) [This is becoming quite unfocused, but I'd now like to briefly express how much I hate the way people typically glorify Romeo and Juliet's romance. People think it's this amazing love story of sacrifice and true, deep love. Okay, the kids knew each other for three days before they got married and killed themselves. The play's not about love; it's about stupidity. End off-topic rant.]

So to summarize:

• Tris can S my D. (Not in the literal way, we've both had enough of that. Not really in the figurative way either, though, I want to be friends with Tris. So forget that.)
  
• I get that Tris and I will never work.
• I know who Norah is now.
• I'm hoping something comes of this.

---

P.S. There's more to me than lovesickness. I fucking swear.

---why-------------did------
canal soot------leech onto---
a mix CD scratched by fear’s
-unclipped fingernails if---
---a faulty bloodpumper-----
------sweat the sweet--------
-------eye water to----------
--------compensate-----------
---------for the-------------
----------hands--------------
-----------hak---------------
------------e----------------
------------?---

We'll call this an experiment in imagism. You can thank William Carlos Williams for writing "The Red Wheelbarrow," Ryan Gallagher for having his sophomore English class read it, and an adorable little asshole for throwing the mix CD I made him into a canal. Cheers.

Things I want to say to Twitter but don't lest I annoy.

• You lucky, lucky little shit.
• I'm in the mood for an 'N Sync song. I drove myself insane wishing I could touch your face, but the truth remains: you're gone.
• @DylanCampbell Vooooooooodoo magic!
• I want a cigarette that makes me feeeeeeeeeel good but doesn't hurt my chest. Because they do that.
• I can quote Sara B, too!
• I'm pretty sure I affect you more than you me. In a different way, of course. And you're the one who makes it awkward, btw.
• Uuuuuuurgh I wish I knew who all is doing Oliver! I don't know if I want to do Summer Lyric or St. Luke's!!!
• I need to write this Civics thing. No, fuck my opinion on congressional term limits.
• City of Grasshoppers by Marc Bonis is a terrible book. It's that part that Orwell puked up after eating Animal Farm.
  
• I have an evil plaaaaaaaaaaan *sung*
• Yummm I love thunder.
• Still want a cigarette. I know where my mom hid them! Must resist. I like lungs.
• I don't like this house.
• I don't like my carpet. I will whenever I vacuum it. There are objects hiding in its tall woolies.
• I found Michael Moises on Twitter!
• Seriously, this book is terrible. I want to read my Hemingwaaaaaaaay.
• Talk to me.
• You keep running from your problemos, chico.
  
• I dressed like the hot math teacher today at the improv show. And he was theeeere and looking fine. Can't wait to graduate and give him my number.
• Have I mentioned I love rain?
• Have I mentioned I hate high school?
  

These are all the things I considered tweeting from 11:02 to 11:49. I didn't. But I wanted to.

This is why I don't mind seeing him so rarely.

yogacelebrity: fellatio is one of my favorite words.
yogacelebrity: another favorite is defenestration.

MarkArmato: ok

yogacelebrity: and another you wouldn't approve of, but it's a powerful, harsh sounding word that turns heads.

MarkArmato: ok what

yogacelebrity: starts with a 'c' end with an 'unt.'

MarkArmato: oh
MarkArmato: yeah
MarkArmato: that is one of my favorite words
MarkArmato: too
MarkArmato: sorry but it's my name for your mother
MarkArmato: ok forget i said that

yogacelebrity: you could've kept that to yourself.

Conversations with Ben Childress bring a smile to me face.

Matt
i dropped my phone in the toilet, and that's a little bothersome.

12:39amBen
that lovely lg chocolate thing?

12:39amMatt
the very same.

12:39amBen
i was wondering why you hadn't responded to any of my texts confessing my love to you

12:40amMatt
hmm. no, i got those before it broke.

12:40amBen
is that right

12:40amMatt
yeah. sorry.

Falling Easy

To be read in one breath.

I can fall in love so easy like a
baby falls asleep so easy quick and

I can't feel my head it's spinning round a
round a carousel around like spinning
wheels and weaving wishes in to thread so

easy falling like a beat just pulsing
jazzing dancing feet I'm falling down but
speeding up and slowly passing out of

consciousness whene'er I smell the music
stepping techno over near me kind of

losing equilibrium but not from
any alcohol just spinning in my

head and kissing faces for a second's
time but not a second time just once and
only for a second but I hope for
seconds every second moment I am

pulsing falling spinning jazzing speeding
techno stepping easy weaving quick and
dancing losing passing kissing loving

learning I can fall in love so easy
fall in love so deep and easy.

Waiting

Boy, you say, “For
ever is a long time.”
Longer than one
thousand longing
stares at you.

But
I can
stare. I can smile
small, you won’t
smell the melting
eyes just north of this
plaqued, pearled fort.

I can wait; on
drunk nights I lick
my lips
and hope for a touch
from yours.

Disappointment is a Shattered Tooth

St. Apollonia is the patron saint of dentistry and toothaches. She was given this position mostly because before her execution, each of her teeth was individually ripped out or shattered. We have 32 teeth. By the 3rd, this process would likely become a little monotonous.

"But it never stops hurting."

(Paraphrased from John Green's An Abundance of Katherines)

In the words of Michael Jackson, "I'm bad!"

My plan was brilliant. I'd written my note with nearly perfect mimicry of my mother's neat script: "Please allow Matthew to check out after 1st period. He isn't feeling very well, but he needs to take a calculus test. Thanks, J. Armato."

So I took my calculus test. The bell rings. The soundtrack to the movie of my life now includes this original piece that played in my head as I strutted out of there like I was the motherfucking man:

Tristan Smooth is looking cool.
I'm such a badass. I skipped school.

Nerment of the day: I skipped to go to the library to prepare for college auditions. I'm such a nerd!

I'm at the library, I check out some books, I'm doing great. I'm texting Dennis, and he and Chastity are getting something to eat, so I decide I'll go meet them for lunch. Then I get a text from my mom. "911 call me."

Well fuck. I knew she wouldn't expect me to call her in the middle of the school day, so I figure it's because she knows I've skipped. But how? My plan was so flawless. I reason that maybe Meme has gone into the hospital and I need to get Mikey and leave school so we can go see her. Well, I called Mom and... nope. My counselor, Mrs. Gomez, had called home to talk to me about the Student of the Year award that she had nominated me for. How disastrously ironic is that?

So I go back to school and have four long chats with 1. my counselor 2. my counselor and the disciplinarian 3. my mother and 4. my mother and my counselor. Collectively they've reasoned that I'm depressed and overworked and I need to slow down for like 2.5, so my disciplinarian-slash-English-teacher told me my homework for tonight was to "work on myself." Lovely.

I finished the Student of the Year paperwork, too. It would be such a good story to tell if I won the award. Is it bad that the only reason I want to win it is so I can tell how I skipped school and won the award the next day? Yes. Does that stop me? HAH!

Smooth

I want an alter ego. He'll be the polar opposite of me in absolutely every aspect of his personality. Beyoncé has Sasha Fierce, so what's keeping me from having... Tristan Smooth?

When I'm the dumbass who waited until now to start really working on preparing for my college auditions, Tristan could take over. He'd know exactly how to go clubbing on a school night without Mama 1. finding out or 2. caring—but he'd time it just right so I'd get enough sleep and not miss a massive amount of school work. And when it's 2nd period and it's time for P.E., Tristan would surprise the fuck out of all those assholes who think theatre kids can't be athletic and pick me last (after the fat kids and the midgets); he'd shoot baskets and dribble and do all that fancy shit the Harlem Globetrotters do. And Tristan—good ol' Tristan—he'd know exactly how and when to let my boy-of-your-dreams know that I'm in no rush, that I'll wait as long as he needs me to. I am ... not Tristan Smooth.

Nerment of the day! (nerd + moment - dmo = nerment)
I went to the grocery store for cookie dough (just cookie dough) and made a batch so I could bring just one cookie to someone.

This is what I meant by "bittersweet."

"Matt, are you drunk?" he asked me. The "he."

"Not yet, should I be?"

"Go for it."

"You just want to get me drunk so you can have your way with me, huh?"

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't."

Later, we were sitting in the circle playing spin the bottle. Hannah spun the bottle and it landed on him. He was the only one in the group who was in a committed relationship, so he'd previously decided that he was not going to play. Since he's gay, though, he said, "Whatever," and he and Hannah kissed.

He then spun and it landed on me. What a crazy random happenstance!

"It's his call," someone said. I told him I'd understand and not be offended. He chose not to kiss me.

Then he and Chastity began texting each other from across the room.

"You're sending Chastity secrets via text message, aren't you?" I asked him.

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not."

"So now I know that when you answer like that, it means 'yes,' right?"

"You're good."

They both (he and Chastity) then had to pee at the same time. Chastity speaks very loudly when she's drunk. Not even trying to hear what they were saying (not even wanting to, even) I heard, "And I didn't know what to tell Matt other than, 'You're cute, you're single but he's happy with his boyfriend.'" He then said, "Yeah, I am." Wahmp wah.

"I heard y'all talking about me in the bathroom," I told him later. "I wasn't trying to, really, Chastity's just... loud, I guess."

"Oh damn. Did you hear what I said?"

"I heard you say you were happy with your boyfriend. I'm okay with that, I can get over that, and I just wanted to let you know that I'm totally cool with you not liking me." He pulled out his phone and began texting someone. I thought that was rude. I was sitting there pouring my heart out to him and he initiates a conversation with someone else. "I know you and your boyfriend are happy together, and I'd never want to come between you, but I also think it's fair for you to know how I feel."

I then got a text message. It was from him. "i totally like you. i told chastity i wish i was single."

Complications!!!